Sleepless in Ohio.....

Last night I put my sweet, chubby faced baby in her crib, and listened to her cry for fifteen minutes before I dashed up the stairs, scooped her into my arms for a minute or two, and gently placed her back in her crib. As soon as her head hit the pillow, she was wailing again. I pushed back the tears and turned up the TV as I settled back into a comfy spot on the couch. This is what Doctors call sleep training; also known as torture.

You see, since the day my little girl was born she slept curled up beside me. I loved hearing the hum of her breathing, feeling her little heart beat when she curled close to me. This was precious time together. As a working mother, I spent the majority of my day without my girls. I sit and imagine what funny things they said, what milestones I may have missed as I negotiated deals, had endless meetings and listened to the frustrations of my staff, all the while longing for the moment when little faces light up and endless kisses get planted on my tired head as the round of evening pick-ups begin. I will also admit that letting my little ones sleep with me also helped my paranoia about the myriad terrible things that could happen in the very next room, while I lay 20 feet away in my room. I had terrible thoughts of the ceiling fan crashing down, or babies getting tangled in blankets, or choking on some foreign object that missed my careful inspection of their beds. I heard of terrible stories of strangers coming in the night and taking babies and imagined that clearly we were at the top of the list. It seems paranoia has a name also known as co-sleeping, which experts are split on but I found glorious. I was like a mama lion out in the wild, while my cubs slept curled beside me and nothing bad could ever happen.

There are side effects if you are wondering….like cramps in your neck or arms, or the fact that there is no blanket big enough to cover an entire family of sleepy Padilla lions. There is no cuddle time for Mami and Papi, no time to practice just in case we would like to add to our pride. Most importantly, I realized that I want brave strong girls that can face the world alone and when you’re a baby or a toddler the first obstacle to overcome is that big cold bed without a mama to keep you warm. I realized this when my oldest who is turning four started to not only hate her big girl bed, but also hide behind me when meeting new people or act shy when entering any of her classrooms. Sure it’s a phase many kids go through, but my child is outgoing and outspoken and never one to shy away from anything so this phase worried me. I was inconsistent with her routine of when she could sleep with us and when she could sleep in her room, partly because of her and mostly because of me. Without those precious hours, our days would be reduced to an hour before drop off and a measly 2-3 before bedtime. I realized that I had to make those hours count more. No matter how tired we are, we play together, eat dinner as a family at the table and always read books and discuss our day.

When our younger daughter came along I could not bear to part ways with her in the evening either. After 15 months, I realized that it’s time to take the training wheels off and put her in own bed. So last night it began. I missed her so. By 3 am both kids ended up in our bed. So this isn’t a total success story but a good compromise and hopefully a glimpse into our future because hopefully they know that mama will always be pacing the floor ready to stand guard whenever they need me or if the bed get a little too cold.